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\title{Horrors 2}
\author{The Something Awful Forums}

\hyphenation{
  Ba-var-ious
  Ba-var-ius
  hid-eous
  mos-qui-toes
}

\renewcommand\listfigurename{Illustrations}


\begin{document}
\maketitle

\pagenumbering{roman}

\hbox{}\vfill
\begin{center}
Copyright \copyright 2009, multiple authors

\bigskip

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons
Attribution-Non\-commercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License. To
view a copy of this license, visit
\url{http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/} or send a
letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco,
California, 94105, USA.

\bigskip

This is a work of fiction.  Any similarity to actual events or persons,
living or dead, is purely coincidental, but totally awesome.  Please let
us know about it!

\bigskip

The {\em Horrors 2} project, including all source for this book and
instructions on how you can print it out and bind your own hardcover
copy, can be found at \url{http://gitorious.org/horrors2/book}.
\end{center}

\newpage

\include{praise}

\newpage

\hbox{}
\vfill

This is a pre-release copy of {\em Horrors 2}, a freely redistributable
ebook.  This copy is made available for proofreading; a final copy will
be published for anyone to download, along with instructions on how to
print it and bind it into a real hardcover or paperback book.  For the
latest, check the thread on the Something Awful Forums at
\url{http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3167703}.

\vfill

The authors would probably like to dedicate this book to the authors.  I
am instead dedicating this book to anyone who has ever vomited tears
and/or blood.  Stay strong, pukers.

\indent --- cruft, July 2009

\vfill
\hbox{}

\tableofcontents
\listoffigures

\newpage
\pagenumbering{arabic}

\chapter{Foreword}
Horror is a genre that has entranced the public for ages. Most of us
have fond memories of huddling around a copy of {\em Scary Stories to
  Tell in the Dark}, pretending we weren't scared, daring each other to
look at certain pictures. We've stayed up late watching horror movies,
fearing every creak was something coming to get us. The peak enjoyment
of horror usually falls around the preteen years, when scary movies are
still scary and parents are more lenient with reading choices. During a
time when most are just starting to get into horror, one man started
writing horror.

That man is Ben Biddick. Ben started writing horror when he was twelve,
and was first published when he was thirteen. His compilation, Horrors,
had a very limited print run. Due to this, very few people found out
about it. It remained off of bestseller lists. It received no critical
acclaim. As it turns out, Horrors was simply eighteen years ahead of its
time.

Now, thanks to the internet, Ben's masterwork has received a second
wind. In fact, many people were inspired by Ben's work. This
compilation is the result of that inspiration. With Ben's permission,
we’ve included a few of his most terrifying tales. What follows are a
series of stories that aim to establish the same unique brand of horror
as the master of terror himself. These stories emulate, derive, or pay
homage to the classic Biddickian stories from Horrors. Many use Ben's
beloved tragic hero, Luke Bavarious. Many touch upon Ben's belief that
children are worthy of attention and respect. All attempt to convey a
sense of horror that only a thirteen year old can craft.

Hopefully these stories are something you'll tell around campfires for
generations to come. Hopefully they're something that will haunt
you. Hopefully they're something awful---something so awful they'll
inspire you to take up the torch of Biddickian horror as well.

--- rinski, July 2009

\part{Selections from {\em Horrors}}
\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Barn}
\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Artist}
\include{stories/BenBiddick.Willy}

\part{Apostles of Biddick}
\include{stories/Orgasmo.Make_My_Da}
\include{stories/BoldFrankensteinMir.Johnny_the}
\include{stories/THE_WORST_DOCTOR.The_Snake_}

\part{Bavarious Reasons}
\include{stories/milkingmycow.Brain_Freeze}
\include{stories/Batmanuel.The_Strang} 
\include{stories/Torgo_.Brian}
\include{stories/Dr__Mulholland.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/The_Iron_Fury.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/bagrada.The_Earach}
\include{stories/Unununium.The_Scarec}
\include{stories/Tufty.Dames__the}
\include{stories/leb388.The_Girl}
\include{stories/scarycactusjunior.The_Runawa}
\include{stories/mboger.Luke_From_}
\include{stories/Smokey.Thursday}
\include{stories/Barometer.L_B___V_H_}
\include{stories/Hamelin.The_Painte}
\include{stories/gigz.What_Went_}
\include{stories/KryonikMessiah.The_Ninjas}
\include{stories/IShallRiseAgain.The_School}
\include{stories/Paracetamol_Boy.The_Smile}
\include{stories/ack_.The_Dock}
\include{stories/rinski.The_Mansio}
\include{stories/Syphilicious_.What_Lurks}
\include{stories/Rummanging.Nebulous_C}
\include{stories/antiloquax.The_Unexpe}
\include{stories/benitocereno.The_Beginn}
\include{stories/A_Child_s_Letter.Yellow_Eye}
\include{stories/Decatur_Fist.The_Last_N}
\include{stories/Brolita.Mac}
\include{stories/nmg.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/Ghost_Hat.Invisible_}
\include{stories/SummerGlaucoma.Bavarious_}
\include{stories/LesterGroans.Dream_Hyen}
\include{stories/murdered_by_owls.The_One_Ac}
\include{stories/fishguzzler.Untitled}
\include{stories/Anonymous.In_the_Mir}
\include{stories/WhereTheFishLives.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/on_time_for_once.The_Playgr}
\include{stories/overnightmike.The_Explod}

\part{You're no Hakan}
\include{stories/Part_of_Everything.The_Death_}
\include{stories/Madcosby.Son_Of_Bav}
\include{stories/Dr_Scoofles.The_Long_F}
\include{stories/Peas_and_Rice.The_King}
\include{stories/reasonable_form.The_Six_Si}
%\include{stories/Smeef.The_Old_Ch}
%\include{stories/jidohanbaiki.The_Ocean}
\include{stories/Knuc_If_U_Buck.The_Horrif}
\include{stories/henpod.The_Last_C}
\include{stories/Mortonic.The_Very_H}
\include{stories/Oatgan.The_Scream}
\include{stories/Lynxifer.The_Orches}
\include{stories/Cheesus_Christ.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/brylcreem.The_Creatu}
\include{stories/taurapo.The_Child}
\include{stories/Assless_Chaps.The_Mosqui}
\include{stories/Sirocco.The_Monste}
\include{stories/Cota_Froise.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/Combat_Wombat.The_Librar}
%\include{stories/Phthalogreen.Pearl}
\include{stories/Sleepless_Dreamer.Reunion_Un}
%\include{stories/TheSpiritFox.Untitled}
\include{stories/Lord_Humongus.The_Cellar}
\include{stories/King_Plum_the_Nth.Untitled}
\include{stories/Irish_Joe.The_Boy_Th}
\include{stories/Dirty_Sanchez.A_Tin_of_P}
%\include{stories/O_Tempora__O_Mores_.The_First_}
\include{stories/Pro_Swordbro.Nobodys_Sa}
\include{stories/Detective_Thompson.Words_Will}
\include{stories/Count_Snapula.Dead_Tired}
\include{stories/Creflo_Chronicle.Black_Rive}
\include{stories/slackerpride.The_Area_t}
\include{stories/Yaos.The_Killer}
\include{stories/Ghost_Hat.Character_}

\part{The Chronicles Of Biddick}
\include{stories/VelvetEvoker.Station_66}
\include{stories/Donde_Esta.The_Promis}
\include{stories/lemonlime.A_Butter_K}
%\include{stories/Monkey_Trouble.The_Cave}
%\include{stories/Hired_Gun.The_Bodies}
\include{stories/Danger408.The_Torrid}
\include{stories/Safe_Driver.Hell_Cab}
\include{stories/Livestock.Destiny_Ca}
\include{stories/JohnnyThreeToes.Horrid_Tra}
\include{stories/King_Plum_the_Nth.Flow_My_Te}
\include{stories/Yogi_Byron.Horror_D_o}
\include{stories/Funk_In_Shoe.I_am___bf_}
%\include{stories/Zarimus.Little_Men}
\include{stories/CannedMacabre.For_the_Ch}
\include{stories/Ridgely__Fan.The_Cocoon}
%\include{stories/raptorred.The_Blood_}
\include{stories/Lorentz_Factor.It_s_just_}
\include{stories/BatsBjorg.The_Horrid}
\include{stories/Twigand_Berries.The_Sack_o}
%\include{stories/Helmet.Kindness_o}
\include{stories/invision.Creature_O}
\include{stories/Scissorfighter.The_Book}
\include{stories/January.The_Journe}
\include{stories/katiekawaii.Shiny_Toy_}
\include{stories/rinski.The_Monste}
\include{stories/BigSkillet.The_Screw_}
\include{stories/HastyDeparture.A_Red_Sky_}
\include{stories/lucifer_chikken.The_Wareho}
\include{stories/ding_dang_doo.Untitled}
\include{stories/Dominic_Bones.Again}


\part{Luke Bavarious, {\em I} am your father}
\include{stories/Quovak.A_Cursed_M}
\include{stories/Anal_Surgery.Satanic_Re}
%\include{stories/Hantu.I__Lucius_}
\include{stories/Brushingworth.Chamber_Po}
%\include{stories/duck_monster.Luke_Kills}
%\include{stories/kerimeton.White}
\include{stories/Zahgaegun.The_Pus_St}
\include{stories/Bonaventure.Horrider_R}
\include{stories/Akbar.Wicked_Wor}
\include{stories/Swanky.Gold_Ribbo}
%\include{stories/Cruo.The_Smoker}
\include{stories/TarDolphinorShark.The_Homele}
\include{stories/Blurry_Gray_Thing.Monstrous}
\include{stories/The_Bananana.Deja_Vu}
\include{stories/and_Into.The_Truly_}
\include{stories/JuicedSixFo.Haunted_Alley}
\include{stories/Baron_von_Eevl.The_Horrid}



%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% Appendices


\appendix
\part{Inflamed Appendices}


\chapter{Colophon}

This book is a collection of stories from the Something Awful Forums,
inspired by the 1991 book {\em Horrors} by Ben Biddick.  Most were written
as a response to a challenge by forums moderator AYBraham:

\begin{quotation}
  Your goal: Write a short story in the theme of {\em Horrors}, the collection
  of short stories written by Mr. Ben Beddick when he was 13 years
  old. Each story is encouraged to feature the tragic protagonist Luke
  Bavarius, and must be more than 500 words each. Each story must show
  that "kids need to be respected and listened to."
\end{quotation}

This book was typeset by the \LaTeX{} document preparation system, using
the {\sf book} class.

It was set in the Antykwa Toru\'nska (``Antiqua of Torun'') typeface,
the most horriffying of all the standard \TeX{}live typefaces.  The face
was designed by Zygfryd Gardzielewski (1914--2001), and first cast in
metal in 1960 in the Grafmasz typefoundry in Warsaw.  The variant used
in this document was digitized by Janusz Marian Nowacki, a tremendously
cool dude from Poland, based off of photocopies of the original design.

\end{document}