mirror of https://github.com/nealey/Horrors2
304 lines
10 KiB
TeX
304 lines
10 KiB
TeX
\documentclass[openany,10pt]{book}
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% textwidth = 3.832849 inches; 1150 dots @ 300dpi; 2300@600; 4600@1200
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% textheight = 5.936073 inches; 1780 dots @ 300dpi; 3560@600; 7120@1200
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\usepackage[papersize={397pt,614pt}]{geometry}
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\usepackage[T1]{fontenc}
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\usepackage{anttor}
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\usepackage{url}
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\usepackage[pdftex]{graphicx}
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\usepackage{hyperref}
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\usepackage[labelformat=empty,justification=raggedleft,singlelinecheck=false]{caption}
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\usepackage{chapauth}
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\usepackage[absolute]{textpos}
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\TPGrid[\topmargin,\oddsidemargin]{8}{10}
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\setcounter{secnumdepth}{-1}
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\newcommand{\illustration}[3]{
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\begin{figure}[b]
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\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{#3}
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\caption{{\em #2} by #1}
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\end{figure}
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}
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\title{Horrors 2}
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\author{The Something Awful Forums}
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\hyphenation{
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Ba-var-ious
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Ba-var-ius
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hid-eous
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mos-qui-toes
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may-be
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}
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\renewcommand\listfigurename{Illustrations}
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\begin{document}
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\maketitle
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\pagenumbering{roman}
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\hbox{}\vfill
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\begin{center}
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Copyright \copyright 2009, multiple authors
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\bigskip
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This work is licensed under the Creative Commons
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Attribution-Non\-commercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License. To
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view a copy of this license, visit
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\url{http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/} or send a
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letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco,
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California, 94105, USA.
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\bigskip
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This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual events or persons,
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living or dead, is purely coincidental, but totally awesome. Please let
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us know about it!
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\bigskip
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The {\em Horrors 2} project, including all source for this book and
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instructions on how you can print it out and bind your own hardcover
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copy, can be found at \url{http://gitorious.org/horrors2/book}.
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\end{center}
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\newpage
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\include{praise}
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\newpage
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\hbox{}
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\vfill
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The authors would probably like to dedicate this book to the authors. I
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am instead dedicating this book to anyone who has ever vomited tears
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and/or blood. Stay strong, pukers.
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\indent --- cruft, July 2009
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\vfill
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\hbox{}
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\tableofcontents
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\listoffigures
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\newpage
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\pagenumbering{arabic}
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\chapter{Foreword}
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Horror is a genre that has entranced the public for ages. Most of us
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have fond memories of huddling around a copy of {\em Scary Stories to
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Tell in the Dark}, pretending we weren't scared, daring each other to
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look at certain pictures. We've stayed up late watching horror movies,
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fearing every creak was something coming to get us. The peak enjoyment
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of horror usually falls around the preteen years, when scary movies are
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still scary and parents are more lenient with reading choices. During a
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time when most are just starting to get into horror, one man started
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writing horror.
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That man is Ben Biddick. Ben started writing horror when he was twelve,
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and was first published when he was thirteen. His compilation, Horrors,
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had a very limited print run. Due to this, very few people found out
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about it. It remained off of bestseller lists. It received no critical
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acclaim. As it turns out, Horrors was simply eighteen years ahead of its
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time.
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Now, thanks to the internet, Ben's masterwork has received a second
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wind. In fact, many people were inspired by Ben's work. This
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compilation is the result of that inspiration. With Ben's permission,
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we've included a few of his most terrifying tales. What follows are a
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series of stories that aim to establish the same unique brand of horror
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as the master of terror himself. These stories emulate, derive, or pay
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homage to the classic Biddickian stories from Horrors. Many use Ben's
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beloved tragic hero, Luke Bavarious. Many touch upon Ben's belief that
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children are worthy of attention and respect. All attempt to convey a
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sense of horror that only a thirteen year old can craft.
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Hopefully these stories are something you'll tell around campfires for
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generations to come. Hopefully they're something that will haunt
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you. Hopefully they're something awful---something so awful they'll
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inspire you to take up the torch of Biddickian horror as well.
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--- rinski, July 2009
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\part{Selections from {\em Horrors}}
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\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Barn}
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\include{stories/BenBiddick.The_Artist}
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\include{stories/BenBiddick.Willy}
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\part{Apostles of Biddick}
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\include{stories/Orgasmo.Make_My_Da}
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\include{stories/BoldFrankensteinMir.Johnny_the}
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\include{stories/THE_WORST_DOCTOR.The_Snake_}
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\part{Bavarious Reasons}
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\include{stories/milkingmycow.Brain_Freeze}
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\include{stories/Batmanuel.The_Strang}
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\include{stories/Torgo_.Brian}
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\include{stories/Dr__Mulholland.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/The_Iron_Fury.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/bagrada.The_Earach}
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\include{stories/Unununium.The_Scarec}
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\include{stories/Tufty.Dames__the}
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\include{stories/leb388.The_Girl}
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\include{stories/scarycactusjunior.The_Runawa}
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\include{stories/mboger.Luke_From_}
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\include{stories/Smokey.Thursday}
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\include{stories/Barometer.L_B___V_H_}
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\include{stories/Hamelin.The_Painte}
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\include{stories/gigz.What_Went_}
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\include{stories/KryonikMessiah.The_Ninjas}
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\include{stories/IShallRiseAgain.The_School}
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\include{stories/Paracetamol_Boy.The_Smile}
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\include{stories/ack_.The_Dock}
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\include{stories/rinski.The_Mansio}
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\include{stories/Syphilicious_.What_Lurks}
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\include{stories/Rummanging.Nebulous_C}
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\include{stories/antiloquax.The_Unexpe}
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\include{stories/benitocereno.The_Beginn}
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\include{stories/A_Child_s_Letter.Yellow_Eye}
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\include{stories/Decatur_Fist.The_Last_N}
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\include{stories/Brolita.Mac}
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\include{stories/nmg.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/Ghost_Hat.Invisible_}
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\include{stories/SummerGlaucoma.Bavarious_}
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\include{stories/LesterGroans.Dream_Hyen}
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\include{stories/murdered_by_owls.The_One_Ac}
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\include{stories/fishguzzler.Untitled}
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\include{stories/Anonymous.In_the_Mir}
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\include{stories/WhereTheFishLives.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/on_time_for_once.The_Playgr}
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\include{stories/overnightmike.The_Explod}
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\part{You're no Hakan}
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\include{stories/Part_of_Everything.The_Death_}
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\include{stories/Madcosby.Son_Of_Bav}
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\include{stories/Dr_Scoofles.The_Long_F}
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\include{stories/Peas_and_Rice.The_King}
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\include{stories/reasonable_form.The_Six_Si}
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%\include{stories/Smeef.The_Old_Ch}
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%\include{stories/jidohanbaiki.The_Ocean}
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\include{stories/Knuc_If_U_Buck.The_Horrif}
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\include{stories/henpod.The_Last_C}
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\include{stories/Mortonic.The_Very_H}
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\include{stories/Oatgan.The_Scream}
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\include{stories/Lynxifer.The_Orches}
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\include{stories/Cheesus_Christ.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/brylcreem.The_Creatu}
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\include{stories/taurapo.The_Child}
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\include{stories/Assless_Chaps.The_Mosqui}
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\include{stories/Sirocco.The_Monste}
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\include{stories/Cota_Froise.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/Combat_Wombat.The_Librar}
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%\include{stories/Phthalogreen.Pearl}
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\include{stories/Sleepless_Dreamer.Reunion_Un}
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%\include{stories/TheSpiritFox.Untitled}
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\include{stories/Lord_Humongus.The_Cellar}
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\include{stories/King_Plum_the_Nth.Untitled}
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\include{stories/Irish_Joe.The_Boy_Th}
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\include{stories/Dirty_Sanchez.A_Tin_of_P}
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%\include{stories/O_Tempora__O_Mores_.The_First_}
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\include{stories/Pro_Swordbro.Nobodys_Sa}
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\include{stories/Detective_Thompson.Words_Will}
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\include{stories/Count_Snapula.Dead_Tired}
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\include{stories/Creflo_Chronicle.Black_Rive}
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\include{stories/slackerpride.The_Area_t}
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\include{stories/Yaos.The_Killer}
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\include{stories/Ghost_Hat.Character_}
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\part{The Chronicles Of Biddick}
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\include{stories/VelvetEvoker.Station_66}
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\include{stories/Donde_Esta.The_Promis}
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\include{stories/lemonlime.A_Butter_K}
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%\include{stories/Monkey_Trouble.The_Cave}
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%\include{stories/Hired_Gun.The_Bodies}
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\include{stories/Danger408.The_Torrid}
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\include{stories/Safe_Driver.Hell_Cab}
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\include{stories/Livestock.Destiny_Ca}
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\include{stories/JohnnyThreeToes.Horrid_Tra}
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\include{stories/King_Plum_the_Nth.Flow_My_Te}
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\include{stories/Yogi_Byron.Horror_D_o}
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\include{stories/Funk_In_Shoe.I_am___bf_}
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%\include{stories/Zarimus.Little_Men}
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\include{stories/CannedMacabre.For_the_Ch}
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\include{stories/Ridgely__Fan.The_Cocoon}
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%\include{stories/raptorred.The_Blood_}
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\include{stories/Lorentz_Factor.It_s_just_}
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\include{stories/BatsBjorg.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/Twigand_Berries.The_Sack_o}
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%\include{stories/Helmet.Kindness_o}
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\include{stories/invision.Creature_O}
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\include{stories/Scissorfighter.The_Book}
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\include{stories/January.The_Journe}
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\include{stories/katiekawaii.Shiny_Toy_}
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\include{stories/rinski.The_Monste}
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\include{stories/BigSkillet.The_Screw_}
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\include{stories/HastyDeparture.A_Red_Sky_}
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\include{stories/lucifer_chikken.The_Wareho}
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\include{stories/ding_dang_doo.Untitled}
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\include{stories/Dominic_Bones.Again}
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\part{Luke Bavarious, {\em I} am your father}
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\include{stories/Quovak.A_Cursed_M}
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\include{stories/Anal_Surgery.Satanic_Re}
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%\include{stories/Hantu.I__Lucius_}
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\include{stories/Brushingworth.Chamber_Po}
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%\include{stories/duck_monster.Luke_Kills}
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%\include{stories/kerimeton.White}
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\include{stories/Zahgaegun.The_Pus_St}
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\include{stories/Bonaventure.Horrider_R}
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\include{stories/Akbar.Wicked_Wor}
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\include{stories/Swanky.Gold_Ribbo}
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%\include{stories/Cruo.The_Smoker}
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\include{stories/TarDolphinorShark.The_Homele}
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\include{stories/Blurry_Gray_Thing.Monstrous}
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\include{stories/The_Bananana.Deja_Vu}
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\include{stories/and_Into.The_Truly_}
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\include{stories/JuicedSixFo.Haunted_Alley}
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\include{stories/Baron_von_Eevl.The_Horrid}
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\include{stories/A_Child_s_Letter.The_Mirror}
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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% Appendices
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\appendix
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\part{Inflamed Appendices}
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\chapter{Colophon}
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This book is a collection of stories from the Something Awful Forums,
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inspired by the 1991 book {\em Horrors} by Ben Biddick. Most were written
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as a response to a challenge by forums moderator AYBraham:
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\begin{quotation}
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Your goal: Write a short story in the theme of {\em Horrors}, the collection
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of short stories written by Mr. Ben Beddick when he was 13 years
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old. Each story is encouraged to feature the tragic protagonist Luke
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Bavarius, and must be more than 500 words each. Each story must show
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that "kids need to be respected and listened to."
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\end{quotation}
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This book was typeset by the \LaTeX{} document preparation system, using
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the {\sf book} class.
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It was set in the Antykwa Toru\'nska (``Antiqua of Torun'') typeface,
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the most horriffying of all the standard \TeX{}live typefaces. The face
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was designed by Zygfryd Gardzielewski (1914--2001), and first cast in
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metal in 1960 in the Grafmasz typefoundry in Warsaw. The variant used
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in this document was digitized by Janusz Marian Nowacki, a tremendously
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cool dude from Poland, based off of photocopies of the original design.
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\end{document}
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