mirror of https://github.com/nealey/Horrors2
114 lines
2.9 KiB
TeX
114 lines
2.9 KiB
TeX
\chapauth{Smokey}
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\chapter{Thursday}
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\section*{Chapter 1}
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Luke Bavarious sat on the sidelines feeling completely helpless as
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he watched his team lose yet another game to their cross town
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rivals, the Anencephaly High Babies. ``That Dan thinks he's soooo
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good at basketball, but one day I'll show him!'' he silently
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mouthed to a passerby who made the unfortunate mistake of making
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eye contact with him. He decided he had seen enough and couldn't
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watch anymore, mainly due to the fact that the game was over.
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Suddenly, he had to poop.
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Luke made his way to the dumpster behind the gymnasium. As he
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pulled his overalls down to relieve himself, he noticed a pair of
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girls walking along a path about 25 feet to the right of him . ``I
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must have sex to those girls!'' Luke yelled at the birds flying over
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head. He quickly finished his business and tossed his diaper into a
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nearby tree.
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``Oh, you like those girls do you?'' a deep voice boomed from
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above.
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Luke looked up and saw a large, muscular black man sitting in a
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tree branch directly above him. The man hopped down and immediately
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began dribbling a basketball with both hands, or ``double dribbling''
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as it's referred to in the NBA.
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``Sure, I like those girls and I want to lose my virginity by
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carefully placing me boner inside of their girl boners, what do you
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think about that!'' answered Luke.
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``You know what you'd like better than losing your virginity?''
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the man coyly asked. ``Never having sex, that's what!''
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``Wow I never thought about it like that! Heeeey{\ldots}what's your
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name anyhow mister?'' asked Luke.
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``My name is AC Green, and i'm a virgin.''
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\section*{Chapter 2}
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The next morning, AC picked Luke up in his light blue 2003 Dodge
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Caravan. They whistled the theme song to ``The Addams
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Family'' in perfect unison as they headed to the karate dojo
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to learn some much needed self defense.
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``You're going to eventually find that women will try
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and make you do things you don't want to do Luke, and that
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sometimes the word ``NO'' just isn't enough to stop
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them from hassling you.'' AC said, his eyes searching for a
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parking spot the entire time. ``That's why we're
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going to learn some self defense moves today''.
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They spent the next 4 hours rolling around the matt and throwing
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nasty elbows and flying jump kicks at invisible female assailants,
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the rest of the class watching in awe and slight confusion as AC
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and Luke kept yelling ``No means no lady!'' and
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``That's my penis! You leave him be woman!''
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An hour later, as Luke was exiting the police car, he turned and
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asked the officer, ``What's gonna happen to him? What
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will you do with AC?''
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``He's a dangerous man and we've been after him for a long
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time. You should thank your lucky stars we caught him before he did
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anything to you kid!'' shouted the policeman back at
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Luke.
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``Well at least he'll stay abstinent in prison!''
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Luke said.
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Their laughter echoed through the otherwise quiet
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neighborhood.
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Kids need to be respected too!
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The End
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