mirror of https://github.com/nealey/Horrors2
132 lines
4.5 KiB
TeX
132 lines
4.5 KiB
TeX
\chapauth{THE WORST DOCTOR}
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\chapter{The Snake Lady}
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\begin{textblock}{1.5}(4.7,1)
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\begin{center}
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\includegraphics[height=1in]{art/white-ribbon.pdf} \\
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{\scriptsize Third place: {\em Horrors 2} writing contest}
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\end{center}
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\end{textblock}
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\noindent There was a kid who came up to me one evening after I had left my
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precinct, sniffling and tugging on the left leg of my pants. He had
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snot all over his face and I was pretty disgusted. But my job is to
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help people, not to pass judgment, so I decided to give him the
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benefit of the doubt. Maybe he had cash on him.
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``What's wrong, kid?'' I asked. An ominous breeze
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blew from the south. It was going to rain. I didn't ask him
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why he was by the bar at such an age. A kid's gotta do what a
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kid's gotta do.
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``Some lady stole my candy,'' he told me, wiping the snot
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from his nose and the tears in his eyes in an upward motion. Both
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bodily fluids ended up on his forehead.
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``Well,'' I said, popping the collar of my Armani jacket.
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``I can handle that. Stay here, sport.''
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I gave him a pat on the head, not unlike the pats my father used to
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give me when I hadn't completely screwed everything up, and
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went into the building.
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There was nothing in there that was particularly special, save for
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a few local drunks hanging out in the corner. The bartender gave me
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a nod, a knowing one; he could tell from my hat and flashy badge
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that I meant business. That's what it is to be a private
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detective, after all. I sidled up to the bar and took a seat on a
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rickety barstool, ordering my usual: an appletini. A girl at the
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bar eyed me. She looked like a bitch. I knew I had found my
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target.
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``Hi,'' she said once I got my drink. The light leaked
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from the neon signs that said {\sc Paradise}. I chuckled as
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I sipped my cocktail gingerly. How ironic.
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``What can I do you for,'' I asked. I didn't mean
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it the way I made it sound.
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``It's not often a man like you comes to town,''
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She said, giggling. I noticed she was wearing a rusty
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necklace.
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``Yes,'' I said simply. I don't like to waste
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words. She put her hand on my arm and looked at me with glimmering
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eyes. I said nothing.
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Suddenly she was grabbing onto my arm and digging her horrid nails
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into my flesh. I cried out. My skin was on fire. She drew blood and
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laughed like my grandmother used to.
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At that moment I knew I hated her.
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``You're a thief and a liar!'' I yelled, kicking my
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barstool into her lower half. She fell down and brought my
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appletini with her as she tried in vain to grab the bar for
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support. The people around us piled out of the bar while screaming
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and running. I was glad they knew enough to leave at this moment.
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It was going to get ugly.
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``Bavarioussssss,'' she quipped, her tongue long and thin
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like a snake. Her rusty necklace was rusted. Even more rusted than
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before. She had no legs now. She was like a snake on the bottom.
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Cruel and unforgiving. She was going to squeeze me. I knew
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it.
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I felt like vomiting. A thin stream spluttered from my mouth. It
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got all over my new boots. I was blind with seething rage as I dove
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toward her, knocking over bottles of Jack Daniels. I began to punch
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and punch and punch. I was screaming though I didn't know
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why. She fought back feebly. She tried to kick me but she had no
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legs anymore. I laughed. How unfortunate.
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She was bleeding a lot. It got all over me. Luckily I had tucked my
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tie into my belt. It wouldn't get in my way. She scratched at
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me again and called me mean things. There was blood, awful blood,
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leaking from her eyes. It was red. Dark red. The color of a heart
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after it's been taken out of a body. I was going to take her
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heart out of her body. Then I thought against it. Too messy.
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Finally I drove the rusty necklace into her. She died of rust
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poisoning. She giggled one last time at me before slumping onto the
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floor. Then she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
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``Should've gotten your tetanus shot,'' I
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commented. I gathered up the kid's candy, colorful wrappers
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that may as well have contained pure cane sugar, and went
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outside.
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The kid was there, snot dried in his hair. He was wringing his
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shirt with his grubby little hands when he saw me, fearing the
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worst. I dropped the candy on the ground in front of him, and lit a
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cigarette for myself.
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``Don't let it happen again, champ,'' I said. He
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nodded and understood. As he walked away, munching on his dental
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problem candy, I was reminded a little bit of myself. Life before I
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became a detective. A simple, idle life with no worries. But that
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was all behind me now.
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I'm Luke Bavarious, detective extraordinaire.
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