High school reunion

content/blog/2023/09-26-high-school-reunion/index.md

@@ -0,0 +1,55 @@
+---
+title: High School Reunion
+date: 2023-09-26
+---
+
+> ... many of us have simply moved on from high school,
+> and feel no need to revisit the awkward hallways of our youth.
+
+- [Laura Tartocci, Ph.D.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-can-t-sit-us/202203/should-you-go-your-high-school-reunion)
+
+---
+
+A few people from high school keep reaching out to me,
+year after year,
+asking if I'm going to the reunion this year.
+
+I am not.
+
+Every time this question is asked,
+I feel compelled to explain my reasoning,
+in the kind of overly-introspective detail that was the hallmark of my high school existence.
+*I am no longer like this*,
+it only happens when someone from high school brings up high school in the context of high school.
+
+It feels like being in high school all over again.
+And that's just answering an email!
+I shudder to think how it would feel to be surrounded by the same people,
+in the same environment.
+
+I don't want to go back to the person I was in high school.
+I like the person I am now,
+and I acknowledge that high school me and college me were necessary steps toward adult me.
+But I have no desire to revisit actually being that person,
+and it's clear that every time I even approach that context,
+I slip right back into that place.
+
+Going to the reunion would not be healthy for me.
+It would not help me "close out" any embarassment or hurt feelings.
+It would not provide me an opportunity to "make up" for the things I still regret, 30+ years later.
+People I think would make good friends now would continue to be inaccessible to me,
+*because they have moved on*.
+Old crushes that I forgot in college would still trigger a spark,
+and a few days isn't enough time to work past that.
+My bullies might make some attempt to apologize, which would be awkward,
+or they might not, which would be aggravating.
+People I got along with back then, yeah, I'd still get along with them.
+*But most of those people are already keeping in touch with me!*
+
+I can't see this playing out any other way than the old cliques re-forming.
+That is not my idea of a good time.
+
+I understand that this calculation is different for everyone.
+But 
+I personally have nothing to gain from going to the reunion,
+and a whole lot to lose.