From fd060ff536cb9021cadf176f7996d4c2d587595f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Neale Pickett Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2013 00:41:05 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] more wording tweaks --- papers/dcpd.mdwn | 20 +++++++++++--------- 1 file changed, 11 insertions(+), 9 deletions(-) diff --git a/papers/dcpd.mdwn b/papers/dcpd.mdwn index d2a49bf..84f1aa7 100644 --- a/papers/dcpd.mdwn +++ b/papers/dcpd.mdwn @@ -28,14 +28,14 @@ Safety The Los Alamos M'Atom Bombs have been playing against other teams since early 2012. -100% of the two games they have played against Clovis have resulted in a serious injury -(requiring long-term medical attention and resulting in a roster reduction at future games). +100% of the two games they have played against Clovis have resulted in a serious injury, +needing long-term medical attention and resulting in a roster reduction at future games. 0% of the dozens of games they have played against every other team (at least 8 teams) have resulted in a serious injury. -I had previously refused to NSO any game with the player named Big Red -(previously with Amarillo, now with Clovis), +I had already refused to NSO any game with the player named Big Red +(formerly with Amarillo, now with Clovis), who caused the Bombs' first injury. Previously, the Las Cruces referee team and the Los Alamos head ref @@ -140,11 +140,11 @@ The official team account then acknowledges the joke with a wink. I know things are different in Texas and eastern New Mexico, and people get very passionate about sports. -But I have many professional associates in Lubbock and Amarillo, +But I have many professional associates in Amarillo and Lubbock, and they are all decent, courteous people, with a strong moral compass and sense of pride, so I know this isn't a cultural issue. -Joking that the other team is a bunch of whores doesn't engender good feelings, +Joking that the other team is made up of prostitutes doesn't engender good feelings, and doesn't reflect well on the community you've built. @@ -185,9 +185,11 @@ You ladies were great, and I'm glad I got the opportunity to hang out with you. Good luck with your team. -I've gotten word that some of the other Clovis skaters decided to stay at the hotel instead. +I've gotten word that some of the other Clovis skaters stayed at the hotel instead. -The Bombs tried their best. +Even though the Bombs tried their best to be good hosts, +the Clovis team and their fans decided the appropriate response +was to ditch us and then complain on Facebook. In Closing @@ -218,7 +220,7 @@ and more. I wrote the free woozle.org penalty timer app for Android, with almost 1000 active users. At 2013's Roller Con, - will be unveiling free plans for a build-it-yourself electronic scoreboard, +I will be unveiling free plans for a build-it-yourself electronic scoreboard, and for a build-it-yourself derby-specific stopwatch. I'm also co-presenting, with Evil Lucian from Moab, best practices for small town derby teams to run a bout with limited staff.