horrors2

Barometer.L_B___V_H_.tex

  1\chapauth{Barometer}
  2\chapter[L.B.; V.H.E.]{L.B.; V.H.E. (the extended directors cut, with deleted scenes)}
  3
  4
  5Luke sat in the dimly lighted corner of an underused and
  6over-bright bar.
  7
  8``Almost noon'' he thought to himself ``they should be fast asleep by
  9now.''
 10
 11Shifting his considerable bulk, he managed to stand on his one good
 12leg, supporting himself with a hand on the table while his other
 13hand reached for his cane; an old waking cane bought form a dealer
 14in Soho many years past.
 15
 16``God I've really let myself go since the accident'' he whispered to
 17no-one ``maybe I'll look into that Pilates shit{\ldots} or
 18something.''
 19
 20He rolled his one good eye towards the pretty barmaid, a buxom
 21blonde who was eyeing him suspiciously. His meaty paw fished out a
 22couple of bills and dropped them unceremoniously onto the wet
 23tabletop, next to his three empty glasses.
 24
 25``Hurr'' he spewed ``That'll teach her not to return my
 26flirtations{\ldots} uppity bitch.'' He gave her a smile that would wither
 27a rose, showing his rotten teeth that were green and yellow as
 28vomit.
 29
 30Lurching forward like some hellish zombie, he headed for the
 31door.
 32
 33Once outside, on the street, he shielded his eyes from the bright
 34sunshine ``Jesus I hate Kansas!'' he shouted, and a couple of elderly
 35people strolling by averted their gaze. He snarled at them, like
 36some wild animal that had been too long held in a cage and was only
 37now getting it's first taste of sweet freedom. ``fuckers'' he
 38mumbled.
 39
 40Luke was an old man now, even though he was only forty. He had seen
 41so much; things that would make your skin crawl right off your
 42body. Things that could curdle milk by just being discussed. Luke
 43was a Vampire hunter, in the classical sense. Luke was very, very
 44good at his job.Checking the swordcane with a swift motion, and
 45satisfying himself that it was still good and sharp and made of the
 46finest ebony, he trundled down the street towards the old Biddick
 47Mansion looking like some undead pimp, rolling towards his best
 48girl.
 49
 50``Those goddamned Vampires'll be vomiting blood from their throats,
 51ere this day is finished'' he vowed to heaven above ``Or my name's
 52not; Luke Bavarious, Vampire Hunter Extraordinaire!''
 53
 54A boy of about 12 happened to be standing nearby, and when he heard
 55this his eyes sparkled with a devilish glee.
 56
 57``Hey, mister{\ldots} you goin' up to the ol Biddick place?''
 58
 59``So what if I am, you little shit?'' Luke gnashed his rotten
 60teeth
 61
 62``Better not, I hear them folks is crazy{\ldots} and they got some kinda
 63dawg that wanders the grounds during the daytime. Never see 'em
 64lessen it's nighttime.''
 65
 66Bavarious gave the tyke a once-over, and answered ``Izzat
 67right{\ldots} well, guess it's a good thing I have this Beretta then,
 68huh?'' as he spoke, Luke eased his brown courdory overcoat aside,
 69showing off a holstered Beretta 9mm, worn gunslinger style, with the
 70butt facing forward. ``I imagine {\em this} will take care of that old
 71{\em dawg}'' he imitated the boys thick accent. He swooned a bit form
 72the heat, and sweating copiusly, continued his roll down the street.
 73Following at a short distance, the boy followed, shoeless and dressed
 74only in blue coveralls, worn form use and neglect. His bare feet were
 75covered in sores and wounds garnered from his time playing in the dirt
 76and rocks surrounding the little no-name town they were in. His eyes
 77were wide, and full of anticipation. He had never before seen a man this
 78grossly overweight, and was intrigued.
 79
 80After a few minutes, Luke felt as if the eyes of Satan himself were
 81upon him, so he swung around fiercely, whipping out his sidearm
 82``{\bf who dat}?!'' he cried his good eye searching and looking crazily
 83around until it alighted on the small figure in front of him.
 84
 85The boy jumped from fright, and for a moment he felt as if his his
 86heart was going to burst from his chest, spewing crimson blood
 87across the dusty sidewalk ``{\bf it's just me mister}'' he shouted,
 88thinking the geezer must be hard of hearing if he had not noticed
 89him following by then ``{\bf I wanna help, mister!}''
 90
 91``{\bf Help?}'' Shouted Luke, unconsciously imitating the boy and
 92shouting back;``{\bf I don't}---'' he suddenly realised he was shouting,
 93and dropped his voice seeing that another couple across the street were
 94watching, intently`` I Don't need your help, kid{\ldots} now, buzz
 95off{\ldots} get lost{\ldots} scram. Comprende?''
 96
 97The nameless waif wondered what the hell ``Comprende'' meant, but the
 98rest of the message was clear enough. ``Fine, you ol' bastard{\ldots} go
 99on, get yourself killed, see if I care!'' and with that, he ran
100off.
101
102It took Luke another ten minutes of lurching to gain the front gate of
103the fenced in yard surrounding the mansion. ``Hmmmm, I don't {\em see}
104any big dog'' He continued to roll his single, jaundiced eye back and
105forth, looking in vain for any sign of a guard dog. Satisfied that there
106was no sign of such a beast, he opened the gate and hobbled up the front
107path to the stairs leading onto the porch. He unintentionally
108farted. Once in front of the massive oak double-doors, he swung his eye
109around for another look. Again, there was nothing to challenge him, and
110as he considered knocking, the doors parted of their own accord,
111affording him access to the darkened foyer of the seemingly uninhabited
112mansion.
113
114``{\em Creeeeeeeeeak}'' went the doors, and when they were fully apart,
115L.B. (As his one and only friend called him) took stock of the room
116revealed before his eye.
117
118It was a small room, comfortable and sparsly decorated. There were
119a couple cameos on the wall, and a small desk, covered in what
120looked to be unopened mail. L.B. knew there were Vampires in this
121place, he could smell the stink of hell itself in this place and he
122figured that like all of their ilk, they would be holed up in the
123basement, sleeping their undead sleep in coffins filled with the
124dirt of their original resting places.
125
126He shifted his weight ``God-{\em damn} it I gotta lose some poundage''
127he cursed. After a cursory search of the downstairs, he found what
128appeared to be a locked door to the basement, and he put his left ear up
129to it and listened.
130
131``Hmmmmm, sounds like a heart beating{\ldots} that's odd'' He tried the
132door, but as he had surmised; it was locked!
133
134Suddenly the door came crashing in on him, and the portal vomited
135forth a huge, black dog{\ldots} some kind of mutant Great Dane he thought
136fleetingly, as it quickly bit into his neck, tearing out his
137windpipe and causing Luke to make the most horrid sounds even he,
138in his long career of monster slaying, had ever heard.
139
140Somehow, his fat right hand had reacted instinctively and the
141Beretta was alive in his hand! Bullets tore through the monstrous
142dogs body, knocking it backwards and slamming it against the wall.
143As it writhed in its death throes, Luke attempted to staunch his
144wound, but he knew it was too late his plump hands could find no
145purchase, and the wound was surely a mortal one. His vision was
146blurring to the point that he could barely make out the small shape
147coming up from the basement.
148
149``You shoulda listened to me, mister'' Said the boy in a quiet tone
150``I woulda showed you the cellar door, and then ol Blackwood there
151woulda never bit ya!''
152
153``Gurgle\ldots{} cough, spit'' was all Luke could get out, and as the life
154ebbed from him, laying on that dirty linoleum kitchen floor, all he
155could think was; ``Shit, why didn't I listen to that kid?'' The boy
156crouched down in front of him, and just as his eye glazed over he
157caught sight of a family portrait on the wall{\ldots} some cheesy mall
158photobooth picture, enlarged, of the boy{\ldots} with the name ``Ben'' in
159faux spraypaint letters and some other bling he couldn't quite make
160out, before the Angel of Death took him.
161
162``Ma and Pa are gonna be {\em so pissed} that you killed
163Blackwood{\ldots}'' said the boy to the corpse, glancing over to the
164lifeless dog ``Maybe ma will raise ya, so they can punish ya!'' again
165his eyes filled with an evil gleam.
166
167With that, he gave a shrill laugh, and ran as fast as he could back
168down the stairs, anticipation bubbling forth like boiling coffee. 
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