horrors2

Bonaventure.Horrider_R.tex

  1\chapauth{Bonaventure}
  2\chapter[Horrider Reflections]{The Horrid Reflection II: Horrider Reflections}
  3
  4
  5The screamers screamed past with a screaming scream that screamed
  6in the ears of Luke Bavarious Junior. They were horrid and horrible
  7beings of indescribable horror. But if you had to describe one then
  8they looked exactly like Ghost Face the famous killer from the
  9Scream movies. Luke Bavarious Junior woke up with a scream because
 10he had been screaming in his dream when he was dreaming of the
 11screamers. ``What are ya screamin' for?'' said Luke
 12Bavarious Senior who is the protagonist of the story and who is
 13Luke Bavarious Junior's father and who came into the room
 14where Luke Bavarious was screaming.
 15
 16``I saw the screamers again dad,'' Luke Bavarious Junior
 17whimpered.
 18
 19``Gah!'' his dad Luke Bavarious, paranormal P.I. said. He
 20said ``Gah! You've been watching too much Scream. I told
 21you that stuff rots up your brains into blood. Now I'm going
 22to burn your Scream DVDs so you stop having
 23nightmares.''
 24
 25``No! Not my Scream DVDs!'' screamed Luke Bavarious
 26Junior. ``I'll show you, dad{\ldots} I'll show you
 27that kids should be respected and listened to'' he grit his
 28teeth until they bled blood all over his chin.
 29
 30
 31
 32``I'm off to work honey'' Luke Bavarious said to
 33his hot wife who was still in bed because---heh, women. Am I
 34right, fellas? Then he put a donut on his pillow next to the wife,
 35he got the donut from the donut shop across the street and every
 36day he put a donut on his pillow for his wife to eat, this is
 37important information to remember because it foreshadows the twist
 38ending that's coming up.
 39
 40
 41
 42Luke Bavarious had been known as the paranormal detective ever
 43since The Case of the Horrid Reflection where he killed a
 44doppelganger. ``So you're Luke Bavarious.'' The
 45words vomited out of the mouth of the police chief. ``I hear
 46you've been known as the paranormal detective ever since you
 47killed a doppelganger.'' Luke nodded and chewed on his
 48noir-as-hell cigar. ``That's impressive stuff.
 49Dopplegangers are tough to beat cause they have the same moveset
 50and equipment you do.''
 51
 52``Tell me about it, chief.'' Bavarious crammed a fist
 53into his mouth that was full of peanuts and then he chewed down the
 54peanuts into a horrid gloopy paste that slid down his disgusting
 55horrible throat.
 56
 57``Well, you're just the man I need,'' said the
 58chief. ``We got reports of a doppelganger factory that's
 59taken over the old Frankenstein-making factory out on
 60I-45.''
 61
 62``Say no more, chief.'' Bavarious cocked his Beretta and
 63doffed his really sweet fedora. Then he drove to the doppleganger
 64factory.
 65
 66
 67
 68The doppelganger factory was filled with bile and amniotic fluid
 69and all sorts of gross blood and vomit. The dopplegangers were
 70being made in sacs of pus. Bavarious shot up the sacs of pus and
 71was covered in sheets of vomit and fat as the baby dopplegangers
 72writhed on the floor in a scary way. ``Luke Bavarious''
 73said the head doppelganger who had set up the doppelganger factory.
 74Bavarious narrowed his eyes. The doppelganger was horrid with
 75horrible pus scars all over his purpley face screwed up looking
 76gross.
 77
 78``I thought I killed you, Luke Bavarious,'' said Luke
 79Bavarious, when he recognized himself as the doppelganger he
 80thought he killed but he didn't really.
 81
 82``You thought you killed me, Luke Bavarious, but you
 83didn't really. I just feigned death by copying a dead guy at
 84that moment. We dopplegangers are good at copying stuff. Here,
 85I'll copy a guy vomiting acid at you!'' then he vomited
 86acid at Luke Bavarious, and boy it just stank to high heaven, ugh!
 87Bavarious was ready though and he shot the doppelganger making
 88machinery above the doppelganger and then the factory started to
 89explode in sparks and blood and black bile and white pus as the
 90doppelganger sacs all exploded and a billion baby dopplegangers
 91screamed out in dying death forever. The head doppelganger screamed
 92as all the blood and pus and bones exploded out of him like in a
 93Mortal Kombat fatality.
 94
 95``Another day, another time the earth is saved from dopplegangers by
 96Luke Bavarious,'' said Luke Bavarious, walking away in slow
 97motion. Behind him, the factory exploded.
 98
 99
100
101That night in his home Luke Bavarious slept asleep, but Luke
102Bavarious Junior was up and he sneaked off to the kitchen and
103turned on the deep fryer. He had evil red eyes and he laughed,
104``Haw, haw!'' He raised a voodoo doll in the air although
105more accurately it's a European witchcraft doll because the
106idea of sympathetic magic used through dolls doesn't have
107anything to do with traditional voodoo but was instead an idea from
108European ideas about witchcraft that was conflated with rumors
109about voodoo okay but {\em anyway} he takes the doll and he raises it
110over the deep fryer and then he monologues: ``Haw, haw! Dad,
111you might have saved the world from those dopplegangers but
112I'll teach you to burn my Scream DVDs. Now when I want to
113watch Sarah Michelle Gellar get killed in Scream 2 and masturbate
114to it I'm going to have to search for ``Sarah Michelle
115Gellar death Scream 2'' on youtube and like half of them are
116going to be music videos and none of them are going to be good
117quality and it's going to be a real pain in the neck!
118I'll get revenge for that! You're going to learn a
119lesson, dad. Kids should be respected and listened to, because if
120you mess with them, maybe they have a voodoo doll---although
121really it should be called a European witchcraft doll but
122I'll get into that later---and then they'll do
123{\bf this}!'' and he threw the doll into the deep fryer and
124uproariously began to cackle softly to himself with a silent
125``Haw, haw, haw!''
126
127
128
129The next morning, Mrs. Bavarious woke up and found a donut on Luke
130Bavarius' bed. ``Oh, he must have already left!''
131she pooed, and then she bit into the donut. A scream of horrid
132terror burst her throat open as she bit into the donut and, like in
133a sex scene starring one of the Wayans brothers, she was splayed
134against the wall by a torrent of blood, guts, and Bavarian cream. 
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