horrors2

Count_Snapula.Dead_Tired.tex

 1\chapauth{Count Snapula}
 2\chapter[Dead Tired]{Dead Tired\\Horrid Reflection: Gaiden}
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 6Luke Bavarious woke up from a horrid dream in his Manhattan
 7apartment. He was vomiting sweat from every pore in his body. It
 8was exactly 6:36 in the evening, according to his digital clock. It
 9was blinking red. The color of satan. Luke had been having the same
10nightmare for a week now. He was on duty looking into noise
11disturbances when he was assaulted by a horrid monster, that was
12maybe himself. Not even his trusty Beretta could save him from the
13undead menace. Detective Bavarious grimaced grimly as he put on a
14dirty wifebeater and some slacks that smelled faintly of hobo
15urine.
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19Walking to his refrigerator, Bavarious picked up the ubiquitous
20Beretta off the toilet on the way there. He searched through the
21crisper intensely, only to find a week-old tuna sandwich and a
22single piece of knockwurst.
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26``Jesus fucking christ. I wish my wife didn't leave me,'' bemoaned
27Bavarious as he settled for the tuna. The bitterness over his ugly
28divorce almost masked the taste of sour mayonnaise. With some
29sustenance in his stomach, he began shaving over the kitchen sink.
30Though Bavarious was uncannily dexterous with a Gillette{\copyright}
31Fusion razor, something caught his eye in the reflection of the
32faucet, and he made a deep gash in his face. Rust-colored blood
33began to spray out, but fortunately Bavarious was able to hold back
34the flood with a wash cloth.
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38``Man, I must be going crazy or somethin','' muttered Bavarious to
39himself as he opened his last can of Coor's Light, which responded
40with a concerned '{\em pfffssssssht}'. Turning around to look out
41the window and watch homeless people fight over garbage until his
42shift began, Luke finally saw the culprit of the Razor Incident: an
43enormous crow, black as midnight, holding a human eye in his beak.
44Never to be caught off guard, Bavarious emptied his clip into the
45horrid avian intruder. As he went to confirm the death of the crow,
46he saw something that drained all the blood from his face.
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50Below on the fire escape was his ex-wife, her intestines trailing
51out of her corpse and one eye pecked out of its socket. Seeing
52this, Bavarious vomited uncontrollably out the window and onto the
53grisly scene.
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57``Who could have done something like this?!'' Shouted Luke Bavarious,
58once he had regained control of his bowels. Suddenly, he felt his
59hands bound behind him, with the familiar click of handcuffs.
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63``You did, Detective Luke Bavarious.'' Replied an NYPD officer, who
64had just walked in with three others through his open apartment
65door. Suddenly, those dreams all made sense to him. ``You've done
66well by me, Luke Bavarious,'' whispered a terrible, gravelly voice
67in his ear. He could tell it wasn't the cop taking him to the
68street, because he had been punched in the balls as a kid and now
69he talked like Elmo.
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73``What have you done?!'' Luke struggled to break free from his
74captors. But in the end, he knew it was true. The real captor was
75himself.
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79``Go to sleep, Luke. I'll take care of this,'' the voice whispered
80smugly. Luke suddenly passed out, then. When he woke up, he was
81covered in rusty red blood down to his buttocks, and all four cops
82were dead. 
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