horrors2

Smokey.Thursday.tex

  1\chapauth{Smokey}
  2\chapter{Thursday}
  3
  4\section*{Chapter 1}
  5
  6Luke Bavarious sat on the sidelines feeling completely helpless as
  7he watched his team lose yet another game to their cross town
  8rivals, the Anencephaly High Babies. ``That Dan thinks he's soooo
  9good at basketball, but one day I'll show him!'' he silently
 10mouthed to a passerby who made the unfortunate mistake of making
 11eye contact with him. He decided he had seen enough and couldn't
 12watch anymore, mainly due to the fact that the game was over.
 13Suddenly, he had to poop.
 14
 15
 16
 17Luke made his way to the dumpster behind the gymnasium. As he
 18pulled his overalls down to relieve himself, he noticed a pair of
 19girls walking along a path about 25 feet to the right of him . ``I
 20must have sex to those girls!'' Luke yelled at the birds flying over
 21head. He quickly finished his business and tossed his diaper into a
 22nearby tree.
 23
 24
 25
 26``Oh, you like those girls do you?'' a deep voice boomed from
 27above.
 28
 29
 30
 31Luke looked up and saw a large, muscular black man sitting in a
 32tree branch directly above him. The man hopped down and immediately
 33began dribbling a basketball with both hands, or ``double dribbling''
 34as it's referred to in the NBA.
 35
 36
 37
 38``Sure, I like those girls and I want to lose my virginity by
 39carefully placing me boner inside of their girl boners, what do you
 40think about that!'' answered Luke.
 41
 42
 43
 44``You know what you'd like better than losing your virginity?''
 45the man coyly asked. ``Never having sex, that's what!''
 46
 47
 48
 49``Wow I never thought about it like that! Heeeey{\ldots}what's your
 50name anyhow mister?'' asked Luke.
 51
 52
 53
 54``My name is AC Green, and i'm a virgin.''
 55
 56
 57
 58\section*{Chapter 2}
 59
 60The next morning, AC picked Luke up in his light blue 2003 Dodge
 61Caravan. They whistled the theme song to ``The Addams
 62Family'' in perfect unison as they headed to the karate dojo
 63to learn some much needed self defense.
 64
 65
 66
 67``You're going to eventually find that women will try
 68and make you do things you don't want to do Luke, and that
 69sometimes the word ``NO'' just isn't enough to stop
 70them from hassling you.'' AC said, his eyes searching for a
 71parking spot the entire time. ``That's why we're
 72going to learn some self defense moves today''.
 73
 74
 75
 76They spent the next 4 hours rolling around the matt and throwing
 77nasty elbows and flying jump kicks at invisible female assailants,
 78the rest of the class watching in awe and slight confusion as AC
 79and Luke kept yelling ``No means no lady!'' and
 80``That's my penis! You leave him be woman!''
 81
 82
 83
 84An hour later, as Luke was exiting the police car, he turned and
 85asked the officer, ``What's gonna happen to him? What
 86will you do with AC?''
 87
 88
 89
 90``He's a dangerous man and we've been after him for a long
 91time. You should thank your lucky stars we caught him before he did
 92anything to you kid!'' shouted the policeman back at
 93Luke.
 94
 95
 96
 97``Well at least he'll stay abstinent in prison!''
 98Luke said.
 99
100
101
102Their laughter echoed through the otherwise quiet
103neighborhood.
104
105
106
107Kids need to be respected too!
108
109The End
110 
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