horrors2

THE_WORST_DOCTOR.The_Snake_.tex

  1\chapauth{THE WORST DOCTOR}
  2\chapter{The Snake Lady}
  3
  4\begin{textblock}{1.5}(4.7,1)
  5\begin{center}
  6\includegraphics[height=1in]{art/white-ribbon.pdf} \\
  7{\scriptsize Third place: {\em Horrors 2} writing contest}
  8\end{center}
  9\end{textblock}
 10
 11\noindent There was a kid who came up to me one evening after I had left my
 12precinct, sniffling and tugging on the left leg of my pants. He had
 13snot all over his face and I was pretty disgusted. But my job is to
 14help people, not to pass judgment, so I decided to give him the
 15benefit of the doubt. Maybe he had cash on him.
 16
 17``What's wrong, kid?'' I asked. An ominous breeze
 18blew from the south. It was going to rain. I didn't ask him
 19why he was by the bar at such an age. A kid's gotta do what a
 20kid's gotta do.
 21
 22``Some lady stole my candy,'' he told me, wiping the snot
 23from his nose and the tears in his eyes in an upward motion. Both
 24bodily fluids ended up on his forehead.
 25
 26``Well,'' I said, popping the collar of my Armani jacket.
 27``I can handle that. Stay here, sport.''
 28
 29I gave him a pat on the head, not unlike the pats my father used to
 30give me when I hadn't completely screwed everything up, and
 31went into the building.
 32
 33
 34
 35There was nothing in there that was particularly special, save for
 36a few local drunks hanging out in the corner. The bartender gave me
 37a nod, a knowing one; he could tell from my hat and flashy badge
 38that I meant business. That's what it is to be a private
 39detective, after all. I sidled up to the bar and took a seat on a
 40rickety barstool, ordering my usual: an appletini. A girl at the
 41bar eyed me. She looked like a bitch. I knew I had found my
 42target.
 43
 44
 45
 46``Hi,'' she said once I got my drink. The light leaked
 47from the neon signs that said {\sc Paradise}. I chuckled as
 48I sipped my cocktail gingerly. How ironic.
 49
 50``What can I do you for,'' I asked. I didn't mean
 51it the way I made it sound.
 52
 53``It's not often a man like you comes to town,''
 54She said, giggling. I noticed she was wearing a rusty
 55necklace.
 56
 57``Yes,'' I said simply. I don't like to waste
 58words. She put her hand on my arm and looked at me with glimmering
 59eyes. I said nothing.
 60
 61Suddenly she was grabbing onto my arm and digging her horrid nails
 62into my flesh. I cried out. My skin was on fire. She drew blood and
 63laughed like my grandmother used to.
 64
 65At that moment I knew I hated her.
 66
 67
 68
 69``You're a thief and a liar!'' I yelled, kicking my
 70barstool into her lower half. She fell down and brought my
 71appletini with her as she tried in vain to grab the bar for
 72support. The people around us piled out of the bar while screaming
 73and running. I was glad they knew enough to leave at this moment.
 74It was going to get ugly.
 75
 76``Bavarioussssss,'' she quipped, her tongue long and thin
 77like a snake. Her rusty necklace was rusted. Even more rusted than
 78before. She had no legs now. She was like a snake on the bottom.
 79Cruel and unforgiving. She was going to squeeze me. I knew
 80it.
 81
 82
 83
 84I felt like vomiting. A thin stream spluttered from my mouth. It
 85got all over my new boots. I was blind with seething rage as I dove
 86toward her, knocking over bottles of Jack Daniels. I began to punch
 87and punch and punch. I was screaming though I didn't know
 88why. She fought back feebly. She tried to kick me but she had no
 89legs anymore. I laughed. How unfortunate.
 90
 91
 92
 93She was bleeding a lot. It got all over me. Luckily I had tucked my
 94tie into my belt. It wouldn't get in my way. She scratched at
 95me again and called me mean things. There was blood, awful blood,
 96leaking from her eyes. It was red. Dark red. The color of a heart
 97after it's been taken out of a body. I was going to take her
 98heart out of her body. Then I thought against it. Too messy.
 99
100
101
102Finally I drove the rusty necklace into her. She died of rust
103poisoning. She giggled one last time at me before slumping onto the
104floor. Then she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
105
106``Should've gotten your tetanus shot,'' I
107commented. I gathered up the kid's candy, colorful wrappers
108that may as well have contained pure cane sugar, and went
109outside.
110
111
112
113The kid was there, snot dried in his hair. He was wringing his
114shirt with his grubby little hands when he saw me, fearing the
115worst. I dropped the candy on the ground in front of him, and lit a
116cigarette for myself.
117
118``Don't let it happen again, champ,'' I said. He
119nodded and understood. As he walked away, munching on his dental
120problem candy, I was reminded a little bit of myself. Life before I
121became a detective. A simple, idle life with no worries. But that
122was all behind me now.
123
124
125
126I'm Luke Bavarious, detective extraordinaire. 
127
128 
129
130
131