horrors2

Tufty.Dames__the.tex

 1\chapauth{Tufty}
 2\chapter[Dames, they're all the Same]{Dames, they're all the Same: a Luke Bavarious detective story inspired by the works of Ben Biddick}
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 8I'm a private detective. Luke Bavarious is my name. Bavarious by
 9name, Bavarious by nature. I own this city. The feds think they've
10got this place locked up tight, but the criminal scum of the
11underworld run rampant through the darkened streets committing
12crimes and vandalism. This is where I come in. My name is Luke
13Bavarious, and I'm a private detective.
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17I'm a man with nothing to live for and nothing to lose, and there's
18only two things in my life that I wouldn't want to lose, and
19they're both Berettas. One is a gun, and I keep it locked and
20loaded in my desk drawer, and the other is my sexy secretary, Gina
21Beretta. An Italian seductress packing a big chest, tiny waist, and
22a loaded gun. There's nothing sexier than a woman with a gun.
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26The phone on my desk rings, I pick it up. It's Gina. ``There's
27someone here to see you.'' says Gina. ``Send them in.'' I reply. Into
28my room walks the most gorgeous dame I've ever seen in my life. I'm
29talking beautiful - tall, brunette, and an ass like a couple of
30melons. Says she has a job for me - the big one, my ticket out of
31this hell hole they call a city. She tells me that a couple of big
32time crooks are planning a heist on the New York City Bank, and she
33wants me to stop them. ``But how do you know this, and why are you
34telling me?'' I ask. ``One of those jerks is my ex-boyfriend, and the
35idiot left the bank's blueprints and a copy of their plan at my
36place before he dumped me.'' ``Hmmm{\ldots} that does sound stupid. I'll
37take the job.''
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41Fast forward to a week later and I'm waiting outside the New York
42City Bank. According to the plans, the crooks should be here any
43minute. I lean against a street light and light up a smoke, the
44wispy trail of smoke rises into the cool night air. I hear a click
45like the sound of a cockroach being squashed, and I feel a cold,
46hard object poke against my back. ``Don't move, Bavarious'' says a
47rough voice filled with pure and utter hatred. The dame set me up!
48I knew I never should have trusted her, dames are all the same.
49With the lightning-quick speed of a cobra I kick my leg backwards
50and send the gun flying out of my assailant's hand. It lands on the
51road before skidding down a drain into the sewers. Before my
52attacker could even react I've drawn my gun and spun around.
53Suddenly, with shock and disbelief I see that the face of my
54attacker is actually that of the dame who hired me for this job!
55She must have been changing her voice to fool me. She looks
56different this time, her eyes are as red as freshly spilt blood and
57her skin has a greyish twinge, like a freshly embalmed corpse. ``Why
58did you try to set me up?'' I ask her, pressing the gun into her
59chest. ``Because{\ldots}'' I press the gun harder into her chest,
60impatient for an answer. ``Because, Luke{\ldots} I am your sister.'' My
61head reels as my world comes crashing down around me. My sister? I
62have a sister? I think back to my childhood and don't remember
63having a sister. Thinking of his troubled past and childhood caused
64Bavarious to vomit. He did not like to think about his past. As the
65vomit pooled on the floor, he could see the reflection of the dame,
66his supposed sister, in the slick surface of the pool of vomit. The
67sight of her like that brought it all back to me, but in my
68distracted state, the dame gives me her best right hook right in my
69jaw, and the world turns black{\ldots} 
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