Gifts essay

papers/gifts.mdwn

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+Title: The Incredible Burden of Gifts
+
+We have this weekly ritual in the house where we go through and find old stuff we aren't using,
+and put it in a pile by the door.
+It's become a permanent pile,
+not because we aren't getting rid of the things,
+but because we're constantly putting stuff there.
+It's become part of weekly house cleaning.
+
+Since last Christmas,
+we've agreed as a family that a lot of the stuff will be more valuable if we never even take it out of the box.
+So now there are regularly one or two unopened boxes of stuff in the pile.
+Right now there is an unopened electronic puzzle Ginnie won at a science conference.
+This means I can finally write this essay,
+because there's nothing in the pile any of our relatives sent us,
+so I don't have to worry about somebody stumbling across this and getting upset that we're not even opening their gift.
+
+I don't know when,
+but at some point in my lifetime we went from not having enough,
+to having too much.
+It got to where it was easy to fulfill your needs,
+and then easy to fulfill your desires,
+and at that point, gifts became a management problem.
+If there was something you wanted,
+you just went out and bought it.
+But twice a year (at least),
+a couple dozen people wanted to know what *they* could go buy and mail to you.
+So you have to try and dream up some stuff that you didn't want enough to go get yourself,
+and put it on a list,
+so that people who care about you can go buy it,
+put it in a box,
+but that box in a bigger box,
+then ship it to you.
+
+In an effort to show that you really care about a person,
+you might decide you'll make them something.
+That's really sweet,
+but it's still a problem.
+
+![My Coats](coats.jpg)
+
+Here's a photo of my 13 coats.
+I gathered them all up as I was going through trying to make room in my closet for more gifts,
+because I knew I was going to have to get rid of some of them.
+I can even tell you the story behind each one:
+
+1. The University of Washington gave me this to thank me for flying up to run a 2-day computer security exercise.
+1. Amy sewed this for me for our first Christmas together.
+1. My company gave this to me for our annual Christmas gift.
+1. Amy bought me this at Glacier National Monument.
+1. Ginnie bought me this with her own money when she went to Canada on her own at the age of 10.
+1. Hollie sewed this for me for a Christmas present
+1. I bought this for myself because I wanted a classy-looking wool winter coat.
+1. My dad gave me this
+1. I used a ton this when Amy and I got our first apartment together.
+1. Got this for doing a 200-mile ride from Seattle to Portland with Kellie.
+1. Company holiday gift
+1. Wore this every day bike commuting in Seattle
+1. Bicycled 209 miles in one day on my 30th birthday, got this jacket
+
+I only ever wear two of these.
+I don't need 13 fucking coats.
+Which ones do I get rid of?
+With one exception, they all mean something to me.
+Some of them are even hand-made,
+or represent a real sacrifice in some way.
+Getting rid of them dishonors the intentions of the person who gave them to me.
+
+After three hours wringing my hands about it,
+I wound up deciding that I could get rid of all but four of them.
+I kept the one Amy made,
+the one Ginnie bought,
+and the two that I actually wear.
+I feel really, horribly bad about getting rid of some of the rest,
+even though I know the people who gave them to me would think that was silly.
+
+But I wish people would understand this causes serious stress.
+Ginnie has been known to cry for hours about having run out of space to store gifts.
+You can say all you want to that you don't care what we do with them,
+but *we* care what we do with them,
+and when you burden us with these things it makes us mad.
+
+I don't think you want to make us mad, but that's what happens.
+
+Please stop giving us gifts.
+
+