High school reunion

Neale Pickett 2023-09-26 10:31:11 -06:00
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title: High School Reunion
date: 2023-09-26
> ... many of us have simply moved on from high school,
> and feel no need to revisit the awkward hallways of our youth.
- [Laura Tartocci, Ph.D.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-can-t-sit-us/202203/should-you-go-your-high-school-reunion)
A few people from high school keep reaching out to me,
year after year,
asking if I'm going to the reunion this year.
I am not.
Every time this question is asked,
I feel compelled to explain my reasoning,
in the kind of overly-introspective detail that was the hallmark of my high school existence.
*I am no longer like this*,
it only happens when someone from high school brings up high school in the context of high school.
It feels like being in high school all over again.
And that's just answering an email!
I shudder to think how it would feel to be surrounded by the same people,
in the same environment.
I don't want to go back to the person I was in high school.
I like the person I am now,
and I acknowledge that high school me and college me were necessary steps toward adult me.
But I have no desire to revisit actually being that person,
and it's clear that every time I even approach that context,
I slip right back into that place.
Going to the reunion would not be healthy for me.
It would not help me "close out" any embarassment or hurt feelings.
It would not provide me an opportunity to "make up" for the things I still regret, 30+ years later.
People I think would make good friends now would continue to be inaccessible to me,
*because they have moved on*.
Old crushes that I forgot in college would still trigger a spark,
and a few days isn't enough time to work past that.
My bullies might make some attempt to apologize, which would be awkward,
or they might not, which would be aggravating.
People I got along with back then, yeah, I'd still get along with them.
*But most of those people are already keeping in touch with me!*
I can't see this playing out any other way than the old cliques re-forming.
That is not my idea of a good time.
I understand that this calculation is different for everyone.
I personally have nothing to gain from going to the reunion,
and a whole lot to lose.